


blurred lines and thin white lies

by dreaminglows



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Love, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, beomgyu is emotionally constipated and bad with feelings, yeonjun is a flirt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:06:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23665102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreaminglows/pseuds/dreaminglows
Summary: There’s a clear line drawn between friends, lovers and even between enemies. Beomgyu is aware he’s dancing on lines blurred and tangled, built on tiny white lies and sweet nothings, but Yeonjun is making it hard for him to not think—to not wish there is a little truth somewhere behind all this.(Or an au wherein Beomgyu asks his old highschool crush, Yeonjun, who he hasn’t talked to in three years to pretend to be his boyfriend just so his parents would finally leave him alone, not thinking through that maybe, just maybe, feelings have a possibility of coming back.Or maybe they never even left in the first place.)
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun, Huening Kai/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 27
Kudos: 173





	blurred lines and thin white lies

Contrary to popular belief, people _can_ remain in contact with their ex-boyfriends and stay friends with them— even if said ex-boyfriend cried in his doorstep approximately two months ago under the pouring rain with a bouquet of his least favorite flowers, asking where things had gone wrong between the two of them.

( _Well, first of all, my favorite flowers are_ tulips _, and not peonies. Let’s get started with that._ )

Relationships come with the idea of falling in love, a series of makeout sessions in between, and then the aftermath of a messy breakup. Beomgyu _hates_ the last part the most.

Which is why the moment he sees Hyunjin (or in Beomgyu’s head: _Ex-boyfriend #6, good kisser, bad at taking hints_ ) walking towards his direction, he feels his fight or flight response activate.

It’s been almost two months since the two of them had broken up, and the last time they have ever spoken to each other was a week after that when Hyunjin had begged for him to take him back, and Beomgyu saying no (or more like, _“Uh, hell no? We’re over.”_ ) which resulted to the former calling him an asshole right in front of the people on queue in McDonalds.

Beomgyu hates the first week after a breakup the most.

He tries, however, to be friends with all his ex-boyfriends regardless. Mostly because he doesn’t really want to have their current significant others come up to him randomly, at Starbucks for example, and then suddenly slap him in the face because his ex had apparently made their breakup a sob story to get extra cookie points. (It happened twice before. It can happen again.)

Also because he really doesn’t want to eventually deal with an obsessed ex holding a six-year old grudge over his head because he broke his heart by ending their most likely month-old relationship with the only reason being Beomgyu got bored (which is the case most of the time, if he was to be brutally honest) and then hex him with some voodoo he found on some sketchy website in the deep dark web to never find love ever again until he’s old and wrinkly and like two minutes away from seeing St. Peter open the gates to heaven.

Or something else less specific and less evil but along those lines. (This has never happened before, and hopefully will never happen, but it’s better to be safe than sorry, right?)

So when Hyunjin stops in front of him with a cup of coffee in hand and a smile so wide he’s afraid his face is gonna break apart soon, Beomgyu assumes he doesn’t have to worry about any of those now.

He’s been trying to move past the fourth page of the novel he is currently reading, waiting for his friends to come inside this coffee shop a little over twenty minutes now, and if Hyunjin had come to him crying again, he would have immediately bolted the hell out of there with no hesitation, with or without them.

But this time he thankfully remains seated as Hyunjin puts down the cup of caramel macchiato on Beomgyu’s table.

“Well, you look happy?” Beomgyu muses before pointing to the cup. “What’s this for?”

“A token of gratitude for breaking up with me,” Hyunjin happily answers, hands on his hips as he stands proudly in front of him. “The least I can do.”

Beomgyu raises an eyebrow in confusion. “This is the first time anyone has ever thanked me for breaking up with them.” _Has anyone even thank their exes for breaking up with them at all?_ “And the last time we talked was two months ago when you called me an asshole while I was waiting in line to get chicken nuggets.”

Hyunjin throws his head back laughing before tousling Beomgyu’s blond hair. The latter immediately whines at the mess that is the mane on his head. “The past is in the past, Beomie! Loosen up!”

Beomgyu rolls his eyes, “You’re _really_ telling _me_ that? Really?”

Hyunjin shrugs, “Anyway, yeah, I wanted to thank you for letting me go. It made me realize and open my eyes to a lot of things.”

Beomgyu is quiet for a moment, studying Hyunjin’s face that’s still scrunched up in a wide smile. “Do those realizations perhaps include a certain childhood friend of yours who had been pining over your oblivious ass for years now?”

“I was right. You do know,” Hyunjin’s wide grin turns into a small, soft smile this time. “And to answer your question, yes. Yes, it does.”

Beomgyu shrugs before picking up the cup of coffee Hyunjin had given him and taking a sip. “Everybody knew except you, idiot.”

“Yeah, I was an idiot,” Hyunjin laughs. “But I know better now. Thank you, Beomgyu.”

“I still don’t understand why you’re thanking me but I’m getting free coffee out of it so you’re welcome, I guess?” Beomgyu shrugs. “Tell Jeongin congratulations on his first win, by the way. Waited 10 years for your ass, I wouldn’t have had the _patience_.”

Beomgyu notes the way Hyunjin’s eyes glint at the mention of the name, the same glint he had always seen the six months he has known him, and the three months they had dated. Only a fool and somebody who wants to play dumb wouldn’t see it. (The first one is Hyunjin himself, and the latter is Jeongin.)

“Innie wants to thank you too,” Hyunjin tells him. “For making this possible.”

By this Beomgyu knows he means him and Jeongin finally getting together after many unprecedented misses and unsaid words just because one didn’t understand his feelings just yet and the latter was afraid to ruin a friendship of ten years.

Beomgyu knew. The moment Hyunjin had introduced Jeongin as his dearest bestfriend, he knew right there and then.

Which made breaking up with Hyunjin a lot easier and all the more reasonable. Beomgyu was only fairly attracted to Hyunjin; Jeongin was in love with him. He wasn’t gonna rob both of them of that chance.

Beomgyu doesn’t tell him that, of course. He never tells anybody his reasons. “Tell him he can thank me by treating me to lunch some time soon.”

Hyunjin laughs again. Beomgyu notes how much happier his ex had gotten. “I’ll make sure to pass the message to him,” he says before looking at his watch. “Well, speaking of Innie, I have to pick up my boyfriend now. I guess I’ll take my leave first? See you around, Beomie!”

Beomgyu waves him goodbye as Hyunjin walks out of the door to the coffee shop. _Well, that’s sixth ex I’m in good terms with now, thankfully,_ he muses in relief. Not long after Hyunjin leaves, he sees his friends come inside, obviously having passed by Hyunjin on their way in judging from the questioning looks they throw his way as they start speed walking towards his table.

“And what took you guys so long?” Beomgyu questions, closing the book he has long given up on reading.

“Traffic,” Soobin replies, putting down his bagpack and taking the seat beside him. Taehyun and Kai occupy the two chairs across from them. “And what made you think starting with Deathly Hallows as your first Harry Potter book was a good idea? That’s literally the last book of the series,”

Beomgyu shrugs, “I wanted to know first if Harry dies or not.”

“Beomgyu, he’s the main character.”

“ _Some_ main characters still do die even if they have seven books and a whole movie franchise about their life story, Soobin.”

“Wasn’t that Hwang Hyunjin just now?” Taehyun doesn’t waste time asking, obviously interested as to why they just saw his most recent ex walk out the door with a stupid smile on his face “You guys talked?”

“Yo, didn’t he call you a, and I quote, _‘fucking asshole’_ when we were about to buy nuggets in McDonalds that one time?” Kai brings back the memory again. Beomgyu groans in frustration at the fact that everybody in their college knows of that incident, even some of the university professors. “He’s no longer bitter about the breakup?”

“Yeah, we’re okay now,” Beomgyu shrugs, lifting up his cup of coffee. “Even bought me coffee.”

“Ah, yes. The ultimate symbol of truce after a messy breakup in McDonalds: a free cup of coffee,” Soobin nods his head. “Caramel macchiato?”

“Caramel macchiato,” Beomgyu laughs. “Wish he gave me an americano instead. I could use an extra shot of caffeine to keep me awake for later.”

“Or you could take a leave from work? We miss you, hyung,” Kai suggests with a pout. “You’ve been hella busy these days that we could barely even see you. We literally live in the same apartment!”

“Well, you’re seeing me now, are you not?” Beomgyu jokes. He admits he’s been extra busy these days, but that’s just because he’s been trying to finish off all his workload in school early so he can leave the weekend free of worries. “But don’t worry, I’m almost done with my paper anyway. We’ll finally stop the Lake House shit we have going on in the apartment these days.”

“ _Finally!”_ Kai exclaims in joy. “I don’t think I can take another night eating only instant ramen, hyung. Taehyun and I are growing boys. We need real food!”

“And here I was thinking you two missed me but you only miss my cooking?” Beomgyu feigns disappointment as he shakes his head. “I knew it. It was too good to be true anyway.”

“Aw, it’s not like that, hyung. We missed you too, of course!” Kai retaliates to save himself. “But, _please_ , if I inhale another scent off of Jin Ramen again, I’m going to lose it, I _swear_. The MSG is getting to my brain.”

“On a different day, I would say Hyuka is overreacting but I can feel it annihilating every single one of my braincells too so I can vouch that he isn’t lying,” Taehyun supports.

Beomgyu throws his head back laughing, “Yeah, yeah. I’ll make sure to cook you guys a proper meal tomorrow, I promise.” Kai immediately high-fives Taehyun in celebration.

“Can’t you guys just order delivery?” Soobin intervenes. “You two literally order gopchang every night since last month, so why don’t you just order for your other meals too when Beomgyu is busy?”

“Well,” Kai and Taehyun exchange glances. “You see...”

“You two are already broke for the week, aren’t you?” Beomgyu answers for them, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Yeah, we’re broke,” Taehyun admits with a sigh. “We spent almost our entire allowance at the arcade last Monday.”

“And since _when_ do you like going to the arcade?” Soobin raises an eyebrow in confusion, and even more when he sees Taehyun’s ears grow red.

“We got off our classes early and I was bored with nothing to do so I asked Tyun to come with me,” Kai explains. “And well...there was this giant rabbit plushie in the prize booth and...”

Beomgyu and Soobin groan in unison. _Of course,_ it was because of a plushie doll.

“You played every game in the arcade, didn’t you?” Beomgyu turns to Taehyun this time who’s avoiding his gaze.

“Yeah.”

If Beomgyu didn’t know any better, he would just simply think Taehyun was being a nice friend. “Did you win the doll at least?”

“Yes!” Kai exclaims happily. “He’s in my room now back at the apartment! His name is Tobin.”

“You’re starving, but at least you two went on a date and got Tobin,” Beomgyu sighs. “Right, remind me to get groceries tomorrow too.”

Kai sheepishly grins at him and gives him a ‘thank you’, while Taehyun’s face is flushed and mumbling something along the lines of ‘it wasn’t even a date.’

After a very careful and extensive deliberation (assigning who is going to cook, who is going to clean around the house and who is going to be in charge of doing the laundry), Beomgyu decided to move in together with his bestfriends, Taehyun and Kai right after high school, in an apartment for three offering a reasonable price. (Beomgyu, being the only one with basic knowledge on how to cook anything that isn’t just instant food, got the position of house chef. Taehyun and Kai had to play rock, paper, scissors to decide who gets what task.) (Kai obviously lost and, to his dismay, had to be the one tasked to do the laundry.)

Had they been closer to Soobin back in highschool, they would all be living in an apartment for four by now , but they only became friends with him freshmen year in college when all four of them coincidentally had the same PE class and got grouped together to perform aerobics. (The presentation went _horribly wrong_ , but they all became tight-knit close after that semester so it was still a win regardless.) Soobin lives in the dormitory across the street from them, but he frequently visits their shared apartment anyway, sometimes staying the night as well, so it almost feels like he’s also living there.

“Anyway, you guys got the yearbook?” Beomgyu asks, suddenly remembering why they had decided to meet in this coffee shop in the first place.

Taehyun takes the thick hardbound book out from his duffel bag and hands it over to him from across the table. It’s big and cold in Beomgyu’s hands and the pages feel glossy on his fingertips.

“They almost didn’t give it to us earlier since we certainly don’t look like you,” Taehyun informs him. “You wouldn’t pick up the phone earlier so we had to video call your mother to provide proof we aren’t out to steal your yearbook. Which is stupid really, like who even steals yearbooks?”

“You’d be surprised to know just how many actually,” Soobin shudders.

“What does that even mean..?”

“Sorry about that. I literally had classes straight from eight in the morning ‘til 4:30 in the afternoon. I really couldn’t find time to go out and get it myself before four,” Beomgyu apologizes as he gives the pages of the yearbook a quick scan. “It’s their fault anyway. Not only did they distribute this to us literally _three_ years late, they’re only allowing us to get it today _only_? Like, _hello_? People actually have _lives_ , Susan?”

“Just further proves the theory that our principal truly hates our senior year the most,” Kai says, like he’s unlocked one of Earth’s greatest mysteries. “Three years later and we’re still living in her mind rent free! Like girl, move on!”

“Exactly, she’s so stingy. I saw her when I went to get mine this morning and she still remembers the one time, literally _the only_ time, I came in late for flag ceremony and accidentally bumped into her, and she _still_ holds it against me until now. She’s insane,” Soobin adds in. “She should learn the art of letting go from Beomgyu. Literally five minutes after a breakup and he’s already moved on and swiping new names on Tinder.”

“Hey, out of pocket!” Beomgyu reacts, leaning back on his chair laughing.

“I mean, let’s be real here,” Taehyun shrugs. “If I was the acting principal during our senior year, I would also hate us too, to be very honest. We were _monsters_.”

“ _Boo_ , Tyunnie, you traitor! We aren’t all _that_ bad,” Kai pouts at him. “We were the _coolest_ seniors that dumb highschool has ever had.”

“Exactly,” Beomgyu agrees with a nod. “Because they had me.”

“They had you that’s why the wrinkles in our principal’s face kept multiplying every week,” Taehyun counters.

“ _Hey_! I was a good boy.”

Soobin scoffs, “We weren’t even close yet that time but I’ve heard of _everything_ you did back in highschool, Choi Beomgyu. Remember when you accidentally released all 200 chickens out of the coop and they all went inside the chapel while there was a _mass_ going on with everybody on the PTA board present?”

“Or that time when you pressed the fire alarm by mistake and sent the entire school showering because the sprinklers went off? _During_ exams?” Kai adds on.

“Let’s not forget when the student patrol went chasing you over campus because you snuck out of detention,” Taehyun continues. “The detention you got _because_ you wrote fanfiction of our principal and our History teacher, in said History teacher’s class. With Harry Styles as the second male lead?”

 _“Not_ the Harry Styles homewrecker fanfiction,” Kai cries at the memory, closing his eyes like he had just seen something scary.

“Hey, mind you that _that_ piece is literary excellence at its finest and it’s what got the two of them together in the first place? _Hello_? They’re _married_ now because of me?” Beomgyu defends himself. “That was a good deed. I made two soulmates end up together.”

“They’re literally on their fifth attempt to file divorce and they’ve only been married for two years,” Soobin comments.

“Well, not my problem anymore that they don’t know how to make a relationship work when they’re both impeccably compatible,” Beomgyu shrugs. “Both insanely grumpy 24/7 and in need of love and affection from someone who can understand their level of anger at the world.”

“Not only you,” Taehyun continues. “Our year also had that boy from Section C who would play the trumpet every time the 7am bell rings. Not to mention that girl who started the, and I quote, Food Fight of the Decade, just because she and this other girl were fighting over a boy who isn’t even dating any of them. Also, that guy with the red hair who nearly set the gymnasium on fire trying to light a cigarette...” he starts listing down, counting with his fingers.

Beomgyu groans at the memory. “Not _him_. He was literally my seatmate during senior year, and the faculty started investigating me too when they found out he dealt with drugs as well. I just wanted to finish my Chemistry homework then, like _please_ let me go back to my covalent bonds.”

“God, Taehyun has a point. Our year really was filled with _monsters,_ ” Soobin says upon realization. “Monsters and Choi Beomgyu.”

“Aw, you’re separating me from the monsters, Binnie?” Beomgyu flutters his eyelashes at him sweetly.

“Yes, because you’re a different kind of evil.”

_“Hey!”_

“But on the bright side, at least our year had Choi Yeonjun,” Kai retaliates, immediately turning to look at Beomgyu with a knowing grin. “You guys still remember Choi Yeonjun, right? Class 3-A, dance club president, basketball team vice captain, Choi Yeonjun?”

Soobin lets out a hearty laugh and Taehyun whistles in acknowledgment.

“Ah, of course I remember Choi Yeonjun! He was my seatmate back in highschool. Mr. Congeniality, face of the school, always winning dance competitions left and right, Choi Yeonjun?”

“Is it even possible to forget Choi Yeonjun? Multitalented, balanced in both academics and extra curricular, _prom king_ , Choi Yeonjun?”

All three of them turn to look at Beomgyu whose face is now the same color as the discarded red velvet cake placed in front of him.

High school was a time of self-discovery and developing tiny crushes on the most popular boy in school in between all the stress from summative tests, book reports, drama in the campus social pyramid, and hell on earth that is college applications. Beomgyu was once a high school student, and Choi Yeonjun was the most popular boy in school. It doesn’t take too much math to add all that up.

Needless to say, Beomgyu once went heart eyes for the most sought after senior in their high school, and even after all this time, three years to be exact, his body’s natural response is still to blush at even just the mere mention of his name.

Choi Yeonjun was a tiny memory Beomgyu kept in his chest pocket, a little close to his heart.

His cheeks still feel warm when he glares at the three throwing him teasing looks. “You guys are acting like sixteen year olds. We’re not in high school anymore. Shut up—” his words get cut off when he hears his phone ring from his pocket.

“Hey, mom?” Beomgyu greets as soon as he answers the call, thankful he doesn’t have to deal with the three talking about Yeonjun for the meantime.

 _“My little Cookey!”_ He hears his mother coo at the other end of the line. Beomgyu holds back a laugh. _“How are you doing, sweetie?”_

“Ya, you only _ever_ call me Cookey when you either miss me a lot and want me to come home, or you have a favor to ask,” Beomgyu points out smiling. “And we’re literally gonna see each other this weekend so we’re already crossing out the first one. What favor is it this time, mom?”

His mom fakes a gasp at the other end of the call. _“Huh, I can’t believe my son is accusing me of such! Can I not call you my little Cookey without any other intention whatsoever? You have been my little Cookey ever since you were born, young man!”_

Beomgyu rolls his eyes, “Mom.”

 _“Darling, are you hearing this right now? Cookey is accusing me!”_ He hears his mom say on the other line, already knowing she had gone to his stepfather to tell him off. In the background, he hears a faint ‘He’s right, though. That’s the only time you ever call him that since he was 14. Just go tell him,’ and Beomgyu can’t help but chuckle.

“See? Even dad knows.”

 _“Oh, alright, alright, you caught me. I can’t believe you two are ganging up on me now,”_ his mom sighs. _“But it’s nothing too big though, I swear. It’s just that I have this friend and she—”_

Beomgyu groans, already having the idea as to where this is going. “Mom, I’m not gonna date one of your friends’ kids.” From across him, he can see Taehyun mouth ‘Again?’.

 _“I’m not asking you to date Hyerin’s son!”_ There’s a momentary pause. _“Well_ not yet _at least.”_

Beomgyu loves his mom, he really does, but one thing he really _cannot_ stand is when she sets him up like this.

This isn’t the first time his mother had tried playing Cupid. She’s been doing this for as long as he can remember— either making him accompany her when she meets up with a friend who has a son around his age like they’re in some sort of prenuptial family dinner, or blind dates with pretentious young enterpreneurs or business empire heirs who has never lifted a broom or a rug their entire lives, hoping to have a tame, business-minded son-in-law who is the exact opposite of her party-loving, overly eccentric, wild mess of a child to balance it all out.

Yes, Beomgyu has kissed about a hundred boys by now, and yes, sometimes the alcohol takes over his system whenever he attends college frat parties that he makes out with the first guy that flirts with him, but he does, as a matter of fact, _have_ a type and a standard he sets for himself. And _every_ single boy his mother had tried setting him up with had never fit a single criterion at all.

(Meaning every single boy his mother had tried setting him up with are either boring guys in checkered, tucked-in shirts who only wanna talk about either Dungeons and Dragons, bloody politics, and what Beomgyu thinks of the rise and fall of economy, _or_ overly obnoxious rich assholes who think money is all there is in the world. Yeah, _no_.)

“Mom,” Beomgyu rubs his temples. “I told you to stop setting me up like this. I’m fine, okay?”

_“Didn’t you just break up with your boyfriend? What was his name again? Hwangjin? You can make this as a little distraction to mend your lonely broken heart!”_

“Hyunjin,” Beomgyu sighs. “His name is Hwang Hyunjin.”

_“Oh, yes, him. Sweet boy, that one. I’m sorry it ended so soon, honey, but well, you know, life goes on.”_

“You don’t even remember his name!” Beomgyu whines. “And that was two months ago already, please, and I was literally the one who broke up with him? I am nowhere near heartbroken, mom. Trust me.”

_“Well, you could still be lonely without some romance in your life right now!”_

“Mom, we’ve had this exact conversation literally five times now since I texted you two months ago that Hyunjin and I broke up,” Beomgyu runs a hand through his face. “And all those five times you tried setting me up with five different people too. Trust me when I say I _really_ am not in some romancing mood right now.”

 _“Well, I wouldn’t keep setting you up if you showed up to_ all _five of those dates!”_

“The way we both know you would _still_ keep setting me up for as long as I don’t have a boyfriend yet,” Beomgyu says exasperatedly. “Heck, you tried setting me up even when Hyunjin and I were _still_ dating?”

_“I’m just looking out for you, sweetie!”_

“Mom, I’m okay, really. There really, _really_ , is no need for this. I swear—"

 _“Oh, nonsense! I’m sure you’ll change your mind this weekend and thank your lucky stars that I’m your mother! I’m very certain of this one,”_ his mom cuts him off and Beomgyu feels like a fifth vein is gonna pop sometime soon.

This is _exactly_ what she said the past twenty times she had a friend’s son she wanted Beomgyu to meet.

_“Anyway, I promised Hyerin already that you’ll accompany her son during the reception so you’ll be with him for the rest of the night. He’s the same age as you anyway, and goes to the same college. You might have already met before, most likely. I heard the boy’s quite popular.”_

Beomgyu groans in frustration. There was no escaping his mother’s demands. “Can you give me a name at least?”

 _“Of course! I was just about to!”_ his mother says cheerily, happy that Beomgyu seems to have finally caved in. _“His name is Hyunsuk! Yoon Hyunsuk? Are you familiar with him? He’s a mass communication major too, and I met the boy once and he’s really so sweet—”_

“Can you repeat the name again, mom?” Beomgyu rushes, hoping he heard it wrong the first time.

_“Huh? I said Hyunsuk, honey. Yoon Hyunsuk?”_

“Hyunsuk!” Beomgyu almost yells. He can see his friends’ eyes grow wide at the mention of the name.

“Hyunsuk,” Soobin repeats beside him. “You mean the same Hyunsuk you met at that party two months ago and made out with, and then ghosted when he said he wanted to date you and was so, so persistent about it even after you dumped him literally in front of the entire Mass Communication department? _That_ Hyunsuk?’”

Beomgyu groans at the memory and nods.

His exes, Beomgyu has no problem befriending right after ending the relationship, and would very much like to do so as to not leave any bad blood between them. The guys he meets in random college parties that he hits with a kiss and run however? That’s a different matter altogether.

For some reason, they’re even _more_ annoying than his ex-boyfriends combined. He spends one night—one _hour_ — with them and suddenly they act like he signed a lifetime commitment to them and only them, and he’s now entitled to live with them in a small house by the suburbs with a white picket fence and a golden retriever named Brownie. They bombard him with text messages, calls even if they wanna be even more annoying, when he has _obviously_ made it clear whatever they had going on was over the moment the party had ended because that’s just how Choi Beomgyu rolls, and everybody who has heard of him, or at least goes to the same university as him and does not live under a rock, is aware of that.

Hyunsuk falls in the _guys who wouldn’t leave him alone after a college frat party_ category, and Beomgyu really, _really_ , does _not_ want to deal with him again.

“What about Hyunsuk? Is your mother setting you up with him?” It’s Taehyun’s turn to ask this time.

Beomgyu nods again as confirmation before going back to the phone with his mom. “Uh, I’m gonna have to take a raincheck on this one—”

_“Are you saying you’re not gonna attend your dear brother Taehyung’s wedding? Beomgyu, are you really gonna break your poor brother’s heart like that—”_

“No! Not the wedding!” Beomgyu immediately says. “I’m going to hyung’s wedding, of course. I mean with Hyunsuk. I don’t think I can accompany him for the evening.”

_“And why not? Do you know Hyunsuk? Do you not like him?”_

_In a specific sort of way, yes,_ Beomgyu thinks. “No, it’s not that. It’s just—”

 _“Then there’s no reason for you to reject! It’s not like I’m telling you to go_ date _him immediately or something, just be with him for the rest of the evening so he wouldn’t feel too lonely. I heard the boy just got his heart broken, you’ll relate in that section,”_ Beomgyu fights the urge to roll his eyes. _“And who knows, maybe...”_

“I told you, I’m fine, okay? I don’t need some sort of romantic attachment for now.” And he’s not lying about that. He needs some time off from dating right now when he’s busy with his college load enough as is.

 _“Well,_ fine _, but just accompany him as friends maybe?”_ his mom continues to suggest, obviously not giving up the idea. _“If you don’t agree, I’m gonna set you up on another date again next week. You know how persistent I am.”_

“Wow, I can’t believe you’re resorting to blackmailing me now.”

_“I just wanna know why you don’t want to be with Hyunsuk, because I’m pretty sure I’ve asked you to accompany my other friends’ sons too and you never had a problem with that. Only now. Why is that?”_

Beomgyu feels his ears heat up. His mother is aware of how Beomgyu can go a little overboard with the alcohol and all the parties he had been going to the moment he stepped foot in college, and his parents aren’t really strict about it either as long as he still goes to his classes regardless.

But they don’t know about the boys he has made out with in all those parties, have no idea about all the unknown numbers in their son’s phone thanking him for a good time the night before, and there is _no_ way in hell he’s about to start telling them now. Specifically how he had completely wasted himself at a frat party two months ago and made out with her friend’s son just because he was the first person he saw then when the alcohol had completely taken over him, and said friend’s son had not forgotten about that night afterwards and wanted to date him but he dumped him in front of the entire student population of the Mass Communication department because he just had to ask him out in the middle of a school event where everybody was present.

Yeah, there was no way in hell he’s telling his mother all of _that_.

So Beomgyu lets the remaining two functioning braincells he has left at the moment to conjure up the most believable excuse he could come up with.

“It’s because I’m bringing my boyfriend to hyung’s wedding, mom!”

He says it fast, maybe a bit too fast that he’s not sure if his mother even heard it. Heck, even _he_ ’s not sure if he heard himself right too, but he ends the call and lets out the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding this whole time.

Most believable, but definitely not the most rational or the most realistic, but it was the only thing he knew that could stop his mother from bothering him again.

There’s silence for a moment, all three pairs of wide eyes looking at him in what seems to be a mix of shock and confusion from the exchange they just heard, and a few moments later Beomgyu’s phone rings again with a series of texts.

**From: Mom, 4:38pm**

_Choi Beomgyu, what do you mean you have a boyfriend? Since when?_

**From: Mom, 4:38pm**

_Answer my texts or I’m going to have to call again. Who is this boyfriend and since when did you have a boyfriend again?_

**From: Mom, 4:39pm**

_Did you get back with that Hyunjin boy? Or is it another guy?_

**From: Mom, 4:39pm**

_Choi Beomgyu, answer your mother right this instant._

**From: Dad, 4:40pm**

_Beomgyu, answer your mother. Who is this new boyfriend that you speak of?_

Beomgyu closes his eyes in frustration for a moment, at both his parents and himself, before typing out a reply.

**To: Mom, Dad, 4:42pm**

_I’ll tell you everything this weekend, I promise. I’m bringing him with me._

He could ask Hyunjin to pretend they got back together even just for the weekend, just so he wouldn’t have to be stuck dealing with Hyunsuk the entirety of his brother’s wedding reception. He knows about Hyunsuk anyway, they even got into a fight at one point when Hyunjin was still not over him. But there’s this gut feeling telling him his mom wouldn’t buy it either, adding in the fact that Hyunjin is dating Jeongin now and he really doesn’t wanna ruin that for them either.

“So,” Taehyun starts. “We barely saw you in almost a week now, and suddenly you have a _boyfriend_ we have never even heard of? Care to let us know who exactly is this ‘boyfriend’?”

Beomgyu covers his face with both his hands and rests his forehead on the tabletop. “Even I don’t know who he is.”

“So you _lied_ to your mother?” Kai gasps. “Mrs. Choi did not raise a liar, young man.”

Beomgyu groans, “Shut up. I panicked when she asked me why I didn’t wanna accompany Hyunsuk during hyung’s wedding, okay? And there’s no way in hell I’m telling her I already swap spit with her friend’s son.” Beomgyu rolls his eyes when Kai scrunches up his face in disgust. “It was the only excuse that went into my head then.”

“So what’s your plan?” Soobin asks him. “Isn’t your brother’s wedding in two days? How are you gonna find a boyfriend in _two days_?”

“Or do you plan to lie again and say your ‘boyfriend’ got diarrhea or something so he couldn’t come to the wedding?” Taehyun chimes in.

Beomgyu shakes his head. “If I don’t bring anybody, she’ll know I lied and still set me up with Hyunsuk,” he sighs. “I know how my mother’s mind works. I need to bring somebody.”

“One of us can pretend to be your boyfriend?” Kai suggests, making Taehyun choke on the water he was midway into drinking.

Beomgyu tries his hardest not to laugh when he sees Taehyun glare at him, and he’s not dense enough to not immediately get the signal. “Yeah, no. If I bring Soobin, I might as well just put a sign that says _‘Mom, I’m sorry I lied’_ in my forehead. And if it’s you or Taehyun,” Beomgyu crosses his arms to form an X. “No way am I gonna look like a homewrecker in front of my own parents, thank you very much.”

Kai blinks at him in confusion. “Homewrecker?”

Beomgyu simply shrugs and Soobin picks up a glass of water, avoiding Kai’s questioning eyes.

“Anyway,” Taehyun clears his throat. “Hyuka, I’m pretty sure Beomgyu’s parents aren’t gonna believe if it’s any of us. It’s just too predictable. He needs someone his parents have never met before.”

“Which is just impossible because who on Earth is dumb enough to agree to pretend to be someone’s boyfriend and answer his overbearing parents’ bombarding questions,” Beomgyu groans in frustration. “God, what was I even thinking when I said that to mom?”

“I’m pretty sure you weren’t thinking then,” Soobin comments, to which he receives a glare from Beomgyu for. “Well, you have two days to figure that out, so good luck I guess?”

Beomgyu lets out another sigh. He opens his phone and scrolls through his contacts list.

The perks of being an absolute extrovert and attending every single frat party in existence, was his long list of connections. He has almost every student on campus’ phone number saved, from college freshmen to senior. He tries to list off guys in his head who would be available to fake date him, but for some reason, not a single name comes up that would actually be 1) believable, 2) single, 3) not uncomfortable to be with.

Beomgyu closes his eyes and runs his hands through his face. He’s screwed, _absolutely screwed_.

**☾☾☾**

Spring comes with new beginnings, sidewalks filled with cherry blossom petals, and an engaged older brother on video call talking about the love of his life burning the eggs he cooked this morning.

It’s been a routine for as long as Beomgyu can remember.

His stepbrother, Taehyung, is older than him by six years, and even before he had to move out for college and they had to suffice to talking through video calls now, he’s made it a thing to always, _always_ , have a story to tell Beomgyu at least every other day.

Beomgyu loves them though, the stories. Sometimes, it would be something as mundane as his pet dog, Yeontan, ignoring him the entire day, or as thrilling as finding an artifact worth a million dollars on set when they had to film somewhere abandoned in Australia one time.

Most of the time, it would be about his bestfriend, Jimin.

For as long as Beomgyu can remember, a lot of Taehyung’s stories were about Jimin, even before the former even realized he hated just being stuck labelled as the _bestfriend_. For many, many years, he always talked about Jimin to Beomgyu. Like how Jimin helped him up when he slipped during PE class while the rest of his classmates laughed at him back when they were 16, or how Jimin had a crush on this other guy from the class next to theirs and Taehyung felt weird about it back when they were 18, or how Jimin had kissed his cheek and may or may not have confessed to him when he was drunk back when they were 21.

Now Taehyung is 27, and today he’s telling Beomgyu how Jimin had tried cooking him breakfast earlier as practice to when they start living together after they get married— which is in two days.

“Hey, so if ever I ring you up one day because I’ve been hospitalized due to food poisoning, don’t ask how it happened, okay? You already know exactly why I got sent there,” Taehyung tells him, eyebrows raising up and down hinting. He had videocalled his brother around ten minutes ago, and the first thing that greeted him was how Jimin burned the sunny side up he tried making this morning.

“Hyung, you meanie. I’m sure Jimin hyung’s cooking isn’t that bad,” Beomgyu replies, laughing.

“It’s not bad if I eat it and immediately think about how much I love him,” Taehyung says proudly. “Love, after all, is the best ingredient, and I just happen to have a bounty of it for my Jimin.”

Beomgyu pretends to gag, “Alright, Romeo, we get it. You’re _soulmates_. You’re _in love_ , we get it!”

Taehyung throws his head back laughing, before calming down into a small, soft smile and quietly says, “Little cub, I really love Jimin a lot. I can’t believe this is all real.”

Taehyung’s eyes light up at just the mere mention of Jimin’s name, like a lake during evening reflecting the starry night sky in its waters, and then crinkles as he smiles right after like the moon every time it turns crescent.

Beomgyu would’ve stopped believing in love a long time ago if it wasn’t for his older brother.

He’s had six ( _failed_ ) relationships, but neither one of them ever felt like the _actual thing_. All six only ever had the _idea_ of falling in love, but not the actual falling. Beomgyu concluded long ago that he wasn’t cut out for actual romantic attachments, with all his past commitments hanging by a loose thread and only there for convenience’s sake. His current lifestyle is unconventional— flirt with no remorse, kiss with no strings attached. He was only here for a good time, not a long time.

So there are days when his thoughts would lead him to thinking that he’s never, ever going to be tied down to anybody.

But then there are days when he would think otherwise, days like today. Days when he would wish there’s really somebody out there for him. Days when he would remember his older brother and his fiance, remember how pure the love they share is and that pure kind of love actually exists in a world as ugly as this one. Days when he would remember such love exists, the kind of love that makes one glow a different color, a warmer and softer hue. The kind of love that made his older brother look happier, brighter than he has ever been all the years he has known him.

And with how happy Taehyung looks every time he’s with Jimin, it’s hard for Beomgyu to not hope that maybe, someday, somehow, there’s somebody out there who’ll bring that kind of happiness to him too.

Someday.

“So,” Beomgyu watches his brother tousle the fur on his pet dog’s head on the other side of his phone screen. “A boyfriend?”

Beomgyu groans as he recalls what had happened earlier with his phone call with their mother. Of course, Taehyung knows. _Of course._

“Hyung, I’m doomed,” he whines to his older brother. “I’m doomed. I’m doomed. I’m doomed.”

Taehyung lets out a loud laugh, his voice booming on the speakers of Beomgyu’s phone. “Let me guess. Mom asked you to be one of her friends’ son’s date for my wedding reception, correct?” Beomgyu nods. “And you didn’t want to, so you had to lie to her that you have a boyfriend you’re bringing instead which you, _unfortunately_ , do not have.”

“Mom told you, didn’t she?”

“Yep, and she’s not convinced about you having a new boyfriend this soon,” Taehyung chuckles again when he sees Beomgyu scrunch up his face. “I mean, if you said that to me, I would have believed you actually. It honestly wouldn’t be a surprise to me. You’re _Beomgyu_.” He takes that as a compliment. “But you know how much of a skeptic mom is. She’s not gonna believe until you actually bring your boyfriend for her to meet.”

Beomgyu sighs, “She even thinks I’m actually sad about my breakup with Hyunjin, when I’ve honestly forgotten about him had he not come up to me this afternoon.”

“Still bitter?”

“Nah, he’s okay now. He even thanked me for breaking up with him. He’s dating his childhood friend now,” Beomgyu pauses. “Reminds me of you and Jimin hyung actually.”

“Cute,” Taehyung chuckles. “But anyway, yeah, mom isn’t convinced. You know how, other than being absolutely skeptic, she’s also a complete hopeless romantic. She thinks everybody that goes through a breakup has to mourn over it for like a minimum of six months when I’m pretty sure you got over it in less than an hour.”

“Less than ten minutes actually.”

“Little cub, you’re _ruthless_.”

Beomgyu waves him off, “Anyway, what do I do now, hyung?”

Taehyung shrugs, “Go on with this little white lie? Just make somebody go to the wedding with you, and then just fill mom with some little stories to keep up the act then say you broke up after a month.”

“So you really want me to _continue_ lying?”

“Well, do you wanna tell mom you made out with her friend’s son?”

“Oh my god, you know about that?” Beomgyu’s eyes grow wide as Taehyung bursts into laughter.

“I have my connections,” Taehyung simply says. “Anyway, I’m sure there’s a ton of boys in your campus who would love to pretend to be your boyfriend. You’re _Choi Beomgyu_. Even if it’s pretend, that’s still a jackpot to a lot of them. Hopefully you choose someone you didn’t already make out with and then dumped in public though.”

“What the hell, you know _that_ too?” Beomgyu feels his cheeks heat up, obviously not liking the fact that his older brother is actually well-informed of all his makeout endeavors and history. “And I don’t know, hyung. Is there even _anyone_ sane enough who would agree to do that?”

Taehyung shrugs, “Who knows? Somebody could be bored enough to actually agree.” Beomgyu sighs hopelessly. “Okay, kid, I’ll try to ask Jimin if he has any friends around your age who would agree?”

“Oh my god, you don’t have to bother Jimin hyung!”

Taehyung shakes his head, “Nah, it’s alright. Jimin likes stuff like this anyway. He likes playing Cupid all the time.”

“Cupid?” Beomgyu repeats. “Hyung, I’m not asking you to find me an actual boyfriend.”

“Eh, it’s still a boyfriend whether it’s fake or not, so we’re still playing Cupid—”

“Beomgyu, start preparing now. You’re on air in fifteen minutes,” someone interrupts them and when Beomgyu turns to the door, he sees it’s his sound director signalling him to get inside the studio. He turns to the clock above the door and sees the hands at quarter to nine.

“Whoops, looks like you gotta go now,” Taehyung muses. “Jimin and I will help you look for your fake boyfriend. There’s _no way_ you’re missing out on my wedding just because you don’t have a date.”

“Hyung, I’d choose staying with Hyunsuk for the night than to miss your wedding. I would never miss it for the world,” Beomgyu assures his older brother.

Taehyung grins at him, “I know you won’t”

Beomgyu then hears a faint _‘Tae?’_ at the other end, and sees his brother look up at something on his right, or more like, someone. He sees the way his older brother’s eyes light up a bit brighter than earlier, the same kind of light when the streets start to darken when it’s almost close to six in the evening and the lightposts illuminate the road. Beomgyu sees the prequel to a wide smile forming on his older brother’s lips. “Hey Jimin, I’m just on a call with Gyu.”

Beomgyu wonders if he’ll ever look this happy when he’s in love.

Jimin peeks at the camera for a moment and greets Beomgyu before telling Taehyung to come down soon for dinner. His older brother then bids him goodbye and ends the call, but not before reassuring Beomgyu that he’ll help him in his little situation with their mother.

Beomgyu gets up from where he sat on the bench inside the waiting room of the broadcasting station, and immediately rushes to the studio twelve minutes before he’s supposed to go on air.

“You’ve got a lot of messages related to love tonight,” Yena, one of the station’s scriptwriters, tells him as she gives him his cue cards. “Must be the effect of spring.”

“I get a lot of love messages every night,” Beomgyu counters back, letting out a small chuckle. “I’m starting to think our listeners assume my segment is just for love advices. It’s all I’ve been getting recently.”

“Well, you must be doing quite a good job if they like coming to you then,” Yena says before she moves out the door when they see the sound director signal them ten minutes.

Beomgyu puts on his headphones and does a little mic check, right before proceeding to make a quick runthrough of his lines for tonight. Just like Yena had stated earlier, there really were a lot of love messages tonight, a lot more than the usual amount they would get.

He finds it a bit ironic.

Every night when he settles himself inside the four small corners of this room with his headphones positioned in and the red light over his head blinking to signal him that he’s on air, Beomgyu finds it completely ironic.

“Hello, hello, hello,” Beomgyu sing-songs into the mic. “What a sweet, _sweet_ night we are having today. Good evening, my little nightowls. Thank you for tuning in to Midsummer’s Night Dream. This is your favorite night-time radio DJ, Bam, bringing you your soft lullabies and midnight thoughts poured into the lovely messages you send to us everyday.”

He takes a quick peek at the cue card in front of him “And seems like tonight, we have a lot of messages about love. Is it the magic of the season of spring in full bloom perhaps?”

Beomgyu works as a late night radio host for a small broadcasting station, juggling his night time audio broadcasts with his busy college schedule but he enjoys it nonetheless. He's a mass communication major anyway, so this little experience was all the more worthwhile despite the station being a little run-down.

Every nine in the evening, he would be on air, playing song requests and reading messages sent by their regular listeners. Some of them either asking for life advice, most of them having something to do with a significant other.

Which is why Beomgyu finds it ironic. In all his years of existence, he's only ever fallen in love once in his life, and nothing even happened with that. He's had crushes before, _tons_ of it, but they’re gone the moment they appear. He’s been in six relationships, but they aren’t _really_ relationships, now that he thinks about it. Not when the people in their inbox are talking about the way their hearts cave and hurt, how they’re in a limbo between love that feels like gentle rain, or love that’s like a storm, torrential and flooding, and that’s not even close to how he felt in all those six times.

Yet here he was, every night on weekdays, answering people who ask him for love advice like he has _any_ great learning experiences whatsoever to actually draw answers out of.

He clicks on a button and a calming piano instrumental starts playing in the background. He picks up his script for tonight, skimming through what he has to read next. “It’s a little chilly outside tonight, so I hope you have yourselves settled in the warmth of your homes, maybe even have a cup of warm milk in your hands.”

He makes his voice a little softer than his usual boisterous tone, almost like a whisper but still audible. “Today, I received my high school yearbook, finally after three years. There had been some trouble in publication, hence why it took so long, that I actually forgot about it already until they messaged me this morning if I was available to come get mine,” Beomgyu lets out a small chuckle.

“The time spent waiting for it made looking at the yearbook for the first time even more nostalgic though. There had been faces there that I haven’t seen in so long, and faces that I still see around my college campus every now and then but I have yet to catch up with.”

He clicks on his screen and prepares the next song to be played. “The thought of high school makes me feel really nostalgic. I kept a lot of memories from those years close to my heart, and there are days when I wish I could relive them all over again. I experienced a lot of firsts during those times, and a lot of heart-fluttering moments as well,” Beomgyu looks back down on his script, an eyebrow raised at the username of the sender. “And seems like the sender of our first message tonight had his share of heart-fluttering moments during high school as well.”

“Sender name, _C-H-L-Q-J-A-R-B-T-K-F-K-D-G-O_ ,” Beomgyu almost lets out a laugh. “ _Ya_ , do you hate me? What kind of username is this? Did you just want to hear me suffer reading this that’s why you sent this message?”

He sees his sound director signal him to continue. Beomgyu clears his throat, “Okay so sender Keyboard Smash has a message about his first love in high school. Dearest DJ Bam…"

_I am a man in my 20s, currently living in Seoul. Back in high school, I used to have a crush on this boy in a class next to mine. We never had any proper conversations, just small talk whenever we would pass by each other in the hallways of our school, but I cherished all those smallest of talks even until now. We weren't friends; we were just mere acquaintances who happened to have a lot of friends in common. That's why I would see him a lot from time to time, and what I know about him, I found out during those small times our friend groups would interact. Sometimes I would catch him staring at me, sometimes I'd catch how his cheeks would turn red when I would stare back, and for a moment there, I believed there was something. I believed that something could happen between us, and that he felt it too. But I didn't pursue him because I knew my friend has liked him first, has liked him for years now. So I let my small happy crush go, until I forgot about him since I never saw him again after our graduation. Now my friend is engaged and it's not with the boy I used to have a crush on, he has moved on from him long ago. I thought I did too. It’s been years since I last thought about him, since my heart last skipped a beat at just the mention of his name, but then I saw him again after so long, and now I'm conflicted. My heart still beats the same way it used to years ago, but this time there is nothing holding me back anymore except that I don't know if he still looks at me the same, and whatever we both felt then is still there. I'm just afraid it's a little too late now._

"...Should I still give it a try regardless?" Beomgyu is quiet for a moment, the words staring right back at him giving him an overwhelmingly aching familiarity, and from his peripheral, he sees the director signal him he's making dead air right now like he isn't aware of that already. "Wow... Oh _wow_ , for a moment there I thought I was reading my own story," he lets out a small laugh, hoping it doesn't come off as awkward.

"I also had my first love in high school that I never pursued so this story resonates with me," Beomgyu smiles into the mic. "To the sender, you will never know unless you try, right? It seems like you've played it safe years ago and lost an opportunity, but the universe is giving you another chance now so why don't you go for it?”

He takes a deep breath before he continues, “As long as both of you are romantically available at the moment, why don't you give it a shot? Maybe he still feels the same way, or if he doesn't, maybe you can make him feel that way again? The point here is you left your story hanging in a comma, and not on a period. Go for it! I'll be cheering you on, okay?"

For some reason, saying that out loud made his heart feel a lot lighter, even though the sender's present situation is nowhere near his. But maybe because, somehow, they had a similar past experience, he's living his second chance vicariously through this person.

 _I hope it works out well for them_ , he wishes before pulling the mic closer to him again. "For our sender, _C-H-L-Q-J-A-R-B-T-K-F-K-D-G-O_ … oh my God, that's still quite a mouthful," Beomgyu laughs. "Here's ‘ _Fools’_ by Nathan & Mercury. I hope this time around, your story starts for real."

_♬ I’ve been a fool, I’ve been running after you_

_Times have changed, but it’s not too late ♬_

Beomgyu continues on with his script until the night goes on a little bit deeper and the wind outside turns even colder.

**☾☾☾**

His broadcast ends at 10:30 pm, and Beomgyu finds himself coming out of the station a quarter to eleven.

Spring evenings aren't as cold as that of winter, but the chills of the night still bite and Beomgyu finds himself rubbing his hands together for warmth as he walks his nightly route back home.

His apartment isn't that far from the broadcasting station, just a fifteen minute walk usually. He likes walking the streets at this time of the night anyway since the city is still just as vibrant and alive as it had been during the day. Except that at this time, the trees are covered in bright orange and blue lights, making his walk home quite a magical experience.

His thoughts lead back to the message the first sender had given him tonight.

_For a moment, I believed there was something. I believed that something could happen between us, and that he felt it too._

“Did he?” he laughs to himself at the thought, pulling on the edges of his sleeves.

There’s a convenience store near his apartment that he passes by every time he goes home from work, and today is no exception. He was feeling full earlier so he didn’t have dinner before going to work, but now he’s just absolutely _famished_. He’s not a big fan of convenience store food, but it’s almost eleven in the evening and he’s got nowhere else to go, considering their fridge this week is as empty as it can be. (When he checked it this morning, there were only tangerines inside, about twenty of them, sent by Taehyun’s grandma last week from the province. His stomach would eat itself alive if he just settled for sad tangerines tonight.)

So he makes his way inside, the cool breeze from the air conditioner and a little past the prechorus of Paramore’s ‘Still Into You’ blasting from the store’s speakers greeting him the moment he opens the door.

_♬ Cause after all this time_

_I’m still into you ♬_

“Is the universe making fun of me?” Beomgyu whispers to himself as he slowly makes his way to the cold drinks section, hoping to any god listening out there that there’s plum juice. “ _I should be over all the butterflies, but I’m into you_ ,” he softly sings along.

He doesn’t know actually, if he’s over _all the butterflies_ or not. It’s been three years, yeah sure, but sometimes, thoughts like these resurface back into his head. Thoughts like how is he doing? Is he doing alright? Is he eating fine? Is he seeing anyone right now?

Thoughts like what if he actually made something happen? What if he did confess right before graduation? Would things have turned out differently for the both of them, or was he the only one who thought that there was something when there was actually nothing?

“Thank god, there’s plum juice,” Beomgyu exclaims as he pulls out a bottle from the freezer. “Okay, now where is the aisle for cup ramyun?” he asks himself before walking away to look for the bright yellow packaging of Jin Ramen.

_♬_ _Some things just, some things just make sense_

_And one of those is you and I ♬_

Beomgyu has only ever fallen in love once.

Yes, he’s the way he is, ‘Mr. No Strings Attached’ , alter ego ‘I only do relationships for the sake of having a relationship’ but he _has_ fallen in love.

Once. Only once.

He’s had crushes before—way too many crushes actually. Too many for him to count by just his fingers alone, and that’s just during his time in college (and he still has over a year left before he graduates.) He flirts with no remorse, kisses with no hesitation, but he’s also human with emotions that bloom and swell.

He’s had those moments before— those moments when you feel a swarm of butterflies fluttering in your stomach, or those times when you feel your heart hammering in your chest, loud and hard that you’re afraid everyone else in the room could hear it. Those moments when your eyes would search through a crowd to look for a familiar face, or those instances when you would feel your cheeks heat up a little just by a small wave of a hand or a simple ‘hello’—he’s had those moments way too many times before. He still does now.

But that was it. They were merely just tiny happy crushes to get him through the day, just a little skip in a heartbeat, and a little something to make him smile for a moment before it naturally dies down on its own. No lingering what-if’s, or gnawing feelings inside his chest haunting him somewhere. Just a happy memory to keep and look back on in a few years time.

That’s why it’s always so easy for him to go in and then get out of a relationship. There were never any lingering feelings that festered and took root inside him; all he’s ever felt were just dandelions floating in the wind.

It never went beyond that, even with all those countless moments that made his heart flutter and swept him off his feet. They never went beyond that, except for one time, for one person.

Choi Yeonjun is a distant memory now.

Three years isn’t five years or a decade, but it is quite a while regardless and Beomgyu still remembers every aching feeling inside his chest back then, and every wish he made on a star during those times when he had been yearning for something, for _anything_ , to happen.

He didn’t have butterflies fluttering in his stomach then; he had elephants stampeding inside him. His heart didn’t just hammer inside his chest like drums on a parade; they were threatening to burst out of him, leaving him out of breath. His eyes would look for him in a sea of people and his ears would pick up his laughter amidst the loud yells inside the hallways of his old high school. Their smallest of interactions would make him think of them for days turned to weeks, then to months.

Yeonjun was never out of Beomgyu’s mind since the moment he fell, spring of that year, all the way until the next.

It was the only crush that made him feel like he was running in circles inside a maze, slowly losing his mind in every step that he would take. It was the only crush that made him feel like knowing a name wasn’t enough, that he wanted something more than just friendly acknowledgments in the school corridors, something _different_.

Beomgyu has only ever fallen in love once, and it was on his last year of high school, approximately three years ago—with a boy from a different class who he was aware pursuing would do him nothing good that’s why he never bothered giving them a shot.

But what would have happened if he had done things differently back then?

_♬ Some things just, some things just make sense_

_And even after all this time ♬_

He has thought of this scenario countless of times years ago, mostly during freshmen year when he was still fresh out of graduation and still missing high school.

He goes to the same university as him. They have a lot of common friends. The campus might be big, but it’s not _that_ big, and there are a lot of school events and college parties with open invites that they could both coincidentally attend at the same time.

One way or another, he was eventually gonna bump into him at some point before he graduates college. But he’s three years in and they have _never_ crossed paths, not even once that he started thinking before that maybe he already moved to a different school. (He confirmed he hasn’t moved at all and they still _do_ attend the same university, when he heard a few juniors talk about their favorite dance majors and mentioned his name when he was on his way to the library one time.)

He has thought of this scenario countless of times years ago, tried preparing for when the day comes that he would eventually meet him again after high school graduation. How the situation might turn out, complete with all the 5Ws and 1H. How he would react, and how he would respond in return. He has thought this through and through.

_♬ I’m still into you_

Except that was three years ago, and college freshmen Beomgyu didn’t actually think he would end up meeting Choi Yeonjun three years later instead, inside a convenience store with Paramore’s ‘Still Into You’ playing in the background and picking up the same cup of Jin Ramen at the same time.

So when he meets him eye to eye and his brain immediately links a name to the face staring at him right now, he feels his entire nervous system shutting down.

_The universe really is making fun of me._

Meeting your first love again after three whole years of never seeing each other after graduation, in the instant noodle aisle of a convenience store of all places. How much more _romantic_ can it get?

Beomgyu knows he looks absolutely stupid right now, staring at Yeonjun like this, and with the hood of his black jacket up on his head and the mask he’s wearing hanging loosely on his chin, he just looks like a robber caught in the act and if the blue-haired boy ( _Wait, blue hair? He has blue hair now?)_ in front of him ends up calling the police on him, he can’t even blame him.

Except he sees the recognition light up in Yeonjun’s eyes as he lets go of the cup ramyun for Beomgyu to take. A small part inside of him hopes he doesn’t remember him, but a larger part is relieved, _happy_ , when he calls him by his name, with the same honey-like voice Beomgyu knows he’ll recognize even from miles away.

“Beomgyu?” Yeonjun tries to confirm, blinking in surprise and obviously not expecting this unprecedented encounter as much as he does. “You’re Choi Beomgyu, right? From BigHit High, Class 3-B?”

There’s that familiar ache again inside his chest. It’s been a while since he last felt like this but he recognizes this feeling by the millisecond it gnaws its way in.

Beomgyu tightens his grip on the cup ramyun he’s holding, “Uh, yeah... yeah! Hi! Yeonjun, right?”

“Yeah,” Yeonjun replies, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, it’s Yeonjun. You remember me?”

 _I’ve had a crush on you the entirety of senior year when I saw you dance for the first time during opening night, and you’re literally my first love,_ of course _I remember you._

“Of course,” Beomgyu simply says. “The blue hair surprised me though.”

Yeonjun laughs, the kind of laugh that falls a little short but echoes in your ears long after it’s out. “I just dyed it this weekend. Does it look bad?”

Beomgyu immediately shakes his head, “No, it looks great actually. I never thought blue hair would suit anybody at all, but it suits you a lot.”

“Now that’s a big compliment, thank you,” Yeonjun smiles at him and it’s as warm and endearing as Beomgyu remembers it to be. “Anyway, hey? I haven’t seen you in _years_. Since what? Graduation?”

“Since graduation,” Beomgyu repeats, still feeling awfully fidgety.

“Wow, it really has been so long,” Yeonjun sighs in awe, remnants of a smile etched on his face, and Beomgyu feels his heart tighten again.

He has imagined this exact moment countless of times before, except in all those scenarios in his head, he thought he’d be a lot more confident by the time he would eventually see Yeonjun again. He’d stood proudly in front of him, in his best look, in his best outfit, and have Yeonjun hoping, _wishing_ he looked at Beomgyu’s way the same way he did three years ago. In all those scenarios, he had hoped Yeonjun would look at him as his ‘the one that got away’.

Right now, he just looks absolutely stupid—blond hair sticking in all directions, the bags under his eyes as dark as the sky outside from the all-nighters he had been pulling this week, and his mind all tangled up still not processing that this is actually happening.

But Yeonjun’s eyes light up, and Beomgyu thinks he’s most likely losing it when he sees the lake reflecting the stars, and the streetlights at a little over six in the evening. “It’s nice to see you again.”

That was enough for his heart to sink down to his feet.

Yeonjun’s still the same, yet so, _so_ different at the same time. His black hair is now dyed to a bright, electric blue, fringe a lot longer than the last time Beomgyu remembers. He’s a lot taller now too, shoulders even broader, and Beomgyu can tell from the simple white shirt he’s wearing underneath the gray jacket that he’s gotten a lot muscular as well. But he still smiles the same way, still laughs the same way and there’s still that glint in his eyes that he can’t put into words but it’s still so awfully the same as to how he remembers it.

And Beomgyu is still the same too.

The elephants stampeding inside him, his heart hammering too hard against his chest and threatening to burst out, that gnawing feeling taking root in him—they’re all still there. He’s still there, in that exact same spot three years ago. He’s gotten taller, gotten older, but he’s still where he stood during senior year in highschool.

And it’s a scary feeling. It had always been so, _so_ scary. It’s overwhelming, as it is crushing. A maze where he only runs in circles in with no way out.

Beomgyu needs to leave. Now.

“Uh, yeah, it’s... It’s nice to see you too, Yeonjun,” Beomgyu stutters, hoping the blue-haired boy doesn’t catch the tremble in his voice. “I’ll go on ahead now? I need to pay for these,” he says, lifting up the cup of noodles and the bottle of plum juice he’s holding.

“Huh,” Yeonjun jolts a little in surprise, like he’s been cut off from saying something. Beomgyu waits for it, but it doesn’t come. “Ah, right...Right, sure! Take care on your way out!”

Beomgyu nods, giving him a small, tight smile. “You too.”

“Hopefully I’ll see you around soon?”

Beomgyu catches the underlying hope in the question, and when he looks up to meet Yeonjun’s gaze, it’s present in his eyes too.

“Yeah, see you soon.”

But soon is a word that Beomgyu hopes doesn’t come too fast.

It’s awkward. It’s absolutely awkward just leaving Yeonjun standing there when he certainly looks like he still wants to make small talk after all the years they haven’t seen each other, but Beomgyu makes his way towards the counter, pays for what he bought and leaves the doors of the convenience store without looking back.

They haven’t seen each other in three years, and of all places to reunite, it’s at a convenience store that’s not even close to their university. Seoul is big; their campus is big. If it took three years for them to see each other again, it might take another three the next time, or when he feels like he’s ready at least.

Beomgyu thinks he’s being overly dramatic.

It’s not like they _dated_ before, and it’s not like he confessed to Yeonjun and got rejected either. They were once just two high school students who happened to go to the same school, have a few common friends, and have said ‘hello’ whenever they passed by each other in the hallways. Not friends who had an ugly falling out, not even actual friends to begin with.

They were just two people who hover a little over being strangers just because they knew each other’s names. Nothing more, nothing less.

So he doesn’t understand why he’s acting like this— why he wants to run away from here as fast as he can, more than he’s ever felt before whenever he sees a crying ex-boyfriend less than a week after a breakup, but all he wants right now is to go home and think this night is all just a passing dream.

Beomgyu’s still standing outside the convenience store when his phone rings.

**_Incoming call: Taehyun..._ **

****

“Hey, Tyun?”

There’s only radio silence that answers him, and Beomgyu almost ends the call thinking Taehyun must have dialed by accident, but he hears a slight stutter that’s enough to confirm there really is someone on the other end of the line.

“Hey, Taehyun, you okay? Is there something wrong?” Beomgyu asks again. “I just got out of the convenience store. I’ll be home in a bit—”

 _“Can you stay there for thirty minutes more?”_ Taehyun says a little too fast, but Beomgyu catches it. He hears him clear his throat on the other end of the line. _“I just need thirty minutes. Please.”_

Beomgyu blinks in confusion, “You want me...to stay here for thirty minutes more..?”

_“Yes, please don’t go home yet. I don’t want you to see... It’ll be embarrassing.”_

“Can I please get a reason first as to why I’m being momentarily exiled from my own home at least?” Beomgyu jokes, but he thinks he already knows the answer as to why.

Taehyun is quiet for a moment, like he’s weighing his words. _“I’m thinking of telling him tonight.”_

It’s just one simple sentence but Beomgyu knows how much that meant to Taehyun.

He knows how long his bestfriend had waited for this moment, for this one perfect timing when he’s finally brave enough, when he’s built up enough courage to finally admit all the years he had been bottling up. Beomgyu wasn’t going to ruin this chance for him.

“Alright then,” Beomgyu says, smiling. “Good luck.”

The phone call ends, and he’s left standing with the cold spring breeze embracing him. It’s only when the bright signboard bearing the name of the convenience store he’s still standing in front of flickers for a moment that it dawns on him that he has nowhere else to go for thirty more minutes, and with the way his stomach had been grumbling angrily this whole time, he won’t make it far if he was to walk somewhere else too.

Beomgyu looks back inside the transparent glass walls of the convenience store, Yeonjun at the counter waiting for the food he bought to get punched in.

 _The universe is really,_ really _making fun of me right now._

He takes a deep breath before stepping inside again. _Yeah, fuck it._

In his peripheral, he can see Yeonjun sparing him a glance, probably confused as to why he went back inside again after already having said goodbye to him not too long ago. But he chooses to ignore him.

If his luck hadn’t betrayed him much further, then maybe Yeonjun would leave right after paying. Beomgyu holds on to this small hope as he walks towards the water dispenser, filling his cup of noodles with hot water before settling in at the dining area, trying to eat his very late dinner and hopefully drown the rest of the world out while doing so (specifically Yeonjun existing at a three-meter radius).

Except the spicy noodles don’t drown the conversation by the counter, and Beomgyu hears all of it.

“Look, sir. You’re holding up the line,” he hears the cashier say exasperatedly. “If you’re not gonna pay for these, then please move along so I can cancel before I call management on you.”

“No, I can pay! I swear!” Yeonjun immediately replies, scavenging through the duffel bag he’s holding in panic. “My wallet’s here somewhere...”

Beomgyu could pretend he isn’t aware of what’s going on right now, pretend like it’s none of his business. He could just plug in his earphones right now, play a video while he’s eating, and pretend he has no clue whatsoever as to what is going on apart from this Haikyuu episode he had prolonged continuing.

Except he has a bigger conscience than his heart could carry, and before he even realizes what he’s doing, he’s walking towards the two and dropping a few bills on the counter.

“I’ll pay for him,” Beomgyu tells the cashier who looks more than relieved to finally get this situation out of the way, not even bothering to ask if he even knows Yeonjun at least.

You know how there are scenes like this in dramas and movies, where the main lead pays for the other lead because they forgot to bring their wallet for some unknown reason, and the main lead always looked so cool in all those scenes whenever they do that—yeah, well, Beomgyu’s reality is him awkwardly just standing there, Yeonjun just staring at him in surprise, and both of them waiting for the cashier to finish punching Yeonjun’s items in and giving Beomgyu his change.

“Didn’t think ‘soon’ would only be ten minutes,” Yeonjun chuckles.

“Eight, actually,” Beomgyu counters, tapping his fingers on the marbletop.

That should be it. Yeonjun’s just gonna say ‘thank you’ afterwards, and Beomgyu’s just gonna casually shrug and say it’s no big deal, then he goes back to his noodles and his discarded anime marathon, and Yeonjun would be on his way.

Except when the cashier hands Yeonjun the paper bag, he doesn’t thank Beomgyu immediately. Instead he pulls him over by the arm and walks right where Beomgyu had left his food earlier, taking a seat across from him and heaving a deep breath.

“Oh my god, that was so embarrassing,” Yeonjun puffs out. “Thank you for saving my ass back there. That was so _humiliating_.”

“Uh, no problem?” Beomgyu barely squeaks out, slowly sitting back down. “You lost your wallet?”

“I’m not sure,” Yeonjun answers, looking through his bag again. “I _know_ I brought it with me when I went to the studio earlier ‘cos I had bought milktea right before going in, and—oh _fuck,_ I left it in the lockers, didn’t I?” he asks Beomgyu like he would know.

The blond boy just stares at him awkwardly, “I don’t know, maybe?”

“Yeah... yeah, fuck, I left it inside my locker there when I was changing. I’m so stupid,” Yeonjun whines, and Beomgyu wants to hit himself for thinking he looks so cute like this. “It would be a miracle if it’s still there in the morning but it has a lock anyway, so _hopefully_ it’s still there when I get it tomorrow,” he continues to mumble.

“Hopefully it’s still there,” Beomgyu tries to respond at least.

Yeonjun turns to look at him, and he can feel the beginning of a blush surfacing on his cheeks. “You’re heaven-sent, Gyu. Thank my lucky stars, I bumped into you tonight.”

 _He just means paying for his meal, Choi Beomgyu. Nothing more. He only means that,_ Beomgyu chants repeatedly on his head, but his face is already flushed and his heartbeat is nowhere near steady.

“It’s no big deal...”

“Can I sit here with you?” Yeonjun asks, pouting at him like a little puppy. “I mean, I don’t want to be a bother but can I?”

Beomgyu blinks. “You’re already sitting here..?”

Yeonjun throws his head back laughing, and it’s an endearing sound that rings inside Beomgyu’s ears. “I mean, _technically_ , yeah, I am, but... wait, I should have phrase it more clearly,” he shakes his head and hits his cheeks lightly with both hands. “Can I sit here and eat with you, I mean? It’s a lonely night and I could use some company.”

Beomgyu could say no. He _should_ probably say no. Here in front of him was the personification of all his what-if’s and could’ve-been’s from highschool, the embodiment of every painful pining feeling that made him stay awake at night. He was literally just aching to get out of this convenience store ten minutes ago and forget this whole encounter ever happening in the first place.

But Yeonjun’s smiling at him right now, and he has about twenty minutes before he can actually go home, a seat that’s already taken anyway, and a voice inside his head telling him there’s nothing wrong with saying yes.

_Nothing’s gonna go wrong._

“Go right ahead,” Beomgyu smiles back at him.

Yeonjun breaks into a wider grin, “Oh, for a minute there, I thought you were gonna say no. Anyway, I’ll just go get hot water for this, okay?” he says lifting up the same cup noodles Beomgyu was eating, excusing himself as he moves to go to the water dispenser.

_Yes, Beomgyu. Nothing’s gonna go wrong with this._

It’s just twenty minutes with his old crush from highschool, who still kinda gives him the ‘feels’ or whatever they call it, but it’s been three years and it’s not like he’s still harboring the same crush from a long time ago because Beomgyu’s certain whatever he’s feeling now is just his body’s natural response based on memory.

It’s because his heart had been used to skipping more than one beat at a time whenever Yeonjun is in the picture that he’s feeling like this now, and definitely not because he hasn’t moved on or whatever. He is reacting based on memory, and his feelings are just having some sort of whiplash from all the nostalgia. Yeah, definitely because of that.

_Right?_

Yeonjun comes back with his noodles, whining about how hot it is and how it’s burning his fingertips.

 _Yeah, fuck._ Based on memory or not, Beomgyu is still so fucking endeared.

“What made you come back, by the way?” Yeonjun asks as he breaks his chopsticks and starts stirring his noodles.

Beomgyu is midway into opening his bottle of plum juice. “Excuse me?”

“You were about to leave already earlier, weren’t you?” the blue-haired boy says before taking a slurp. “But you stopped and went back in? Did you forget to buy something?”

“Ah, no,” Beomgyu shakes his head. “My friend... He told me not to come back to our apartment for a while, so I’m stuck here for the meantime.”

Yeonjun’s cheeks are still stuffed when he looks at Beomgyu confusedly. “But it’s your apartment too? Why?”

Beomgyu stirs his own cup of noodles. “I’m currently living with two of my bestfriends right now and, _well_ , one of them plans to confess his crush to the other _finally_ after many years of pining and he wants me out for the meantime because he’s embarrassed,” he chuckles lightly.

He knows if he was talking to another person right now, he would have simply answered ‘Oh, you know, some personal stuff going on,” like he would normally do, but somehow with Yeonjun, his mouth feels like it doesn’t have any filter and his words just come out slipping with ease and no worries.

And for some reason, all the awkwardness and tension he's been feeling earlier are now too faint to even notice, barely even there. He feels his heart relax a little bit too.

It's probably the heat from the noodles distracting him.

“Kang Taehyun and Huening Kai?”

Beomgyu almost drops his chopsticks. “How'd you know?”

Yeonjun grins, obviously proud he got it right. "Just a guess. They were always with you back in highschool. It was always the three of you together. The three musketeers, as I'd like to call you guys in my head," he says it so casually like it's no big deal, but it is to Beomgyu.

He barely even hang out on campus with Taehyun and Kai during senior year because they were all in different classes, but Yeonjun knew they were bestfriends, and even have a nickname for them in his head.

_Huh._

"Who's confessing, though?" Yeonjun asks, opening the wrapper of triangle kimbap and handing another one to Beomgyu. "Want one?"

Beomgyu takes it, "Uh, Tyun— I mean, Taehyun."

"Big eyes, tall nose? Pretty sure he won that one math competition too?"

"Three years in a row actually," Beomgyu corrects with a laugh.

"Oh, damn, a smart one," Yeonjun laughs along with him. "He always looked so calm and collected, never thought of him as the pining type. I really thought you would say it was gonna be the louder one."

"You just haven't seen the way he blushes whenever Kai calls him cute or so much as brushes his hand against his," Beomgyu shakes his head. "It's cute really."

"You think your friend is alright with you sharing his crush on your other friend so openly with me like this?" the blue-haired boy jokes before taking a bite.

"Nah, I'm sure they're dating now and holding hands underneath the blanket while watching Netflix," Beomgyu shrugs before looking at the time on his phone. _Ten minutes._ "I'm positive they are."

"Well, that's cute," Yeonjun crumples the plastic packaging. "Anyway, never would have thought I'd be talking to you and having dinner with you like this, in a convenience store of all places. I really never would have thought."

Yeonjun smiles at him. It's small yet soft and genuine, and pulling every heartstring inside him.

"Would have been better if it was a fancy restaurant though," the blue-haired boy continues quietly. "But hey, we got ramen. Nothing ever goes wrong with ramen."

Beomgyu doesn't want to assume Yeonjun means what he thinks he means, so he clears his throat and tries changing the subject but the older boy beats him to it.

"So how have you been?" Yeonjun casually asks. They're both done eating now, and Beomgyu has six minutes left before he's allowed to go home. "After high school I mean… how have you been doing?"

"Good...kinda," Beomgyu replies. "Term papers been killing me this week, but I'll live."

"You're taking Mass Communication, right?"

 _He knows that too._ "Yeah, heard you're a double major? Dance and fine arts?"

"Oh, you've been keeping tabs on me?" Yeonjun jokes, and Beomgyu was about to get defensive when he continues. "And yeah. Schedule's hectic and I have deadlines left and right that my social life is literally _dying_ right now."

 _Ah, that explains why I never see him around_.

"Yes, that's why you don't see me around often," Yeonjun says like he just read his mind, taking him by surprise. "I'm just either at the dance studio or at my apartment, trying to finish a plate. I can barely go to parties."

"Well, that sucks," Beomgyu blurts out before he could stop himself.

Yeonjun laughs. "But it's fun. I love doing both anyway," he shrugs. "I'll live too, I guess."

Beomgyu checks the time again. _Two minutes._

"You know, it's fun talking to you so casually like this. Comforting even," Yeonjun muses. "I don't think we ever said anything other than 'hello' to each other back in high school. Why is that?"

_Because I was scared of hoping for more if I started receiving more, and then just ending up hoping for nothing._

"Maybe highschool you and me just weren't meant to talk," Beomgyu meant to say it as a joke, but Yeonjun's expression is unreadable, like he's in deep thought.

"Yeah, maybe we were meant to be close three years later," he smiles at him this time. "In here. This way. Maybe that's just how the universe planned it."

There's a new feeling taking root inside him that he should probably pull out soon, but he lets it fester for a little while longer.

"Maybe our time is now."

Beomgyu's phone beeps as soon as Yeonjun says that, and he isn't quite sure if he's thankful for it or not, but he picks it up anyway.

**From: Hueningie, 11:46pm**

_You can come back now ^3^ We have leftover pizza btw (Taehyun still has money after all icb him) ((we're also dating now pls dont comment on it when you get back pls PLS WE'RE STILL SHY ABOUT IT OKAY THIS IS NEW TO BOTH OF US /,\\)) (((HYUNG MY FACE IS SO RED HELP)))_

Beomgyu can't help but giggle at the message.

"Your exile's been lifted now?" Yeonjun inquires. "Looks like you just got sent good news. Success?"

"Yeah," the blond boy chuckles. "Yeah, it's a success."

"Tell your friend congratulations then," Yeonjun laughs. "Hope it won't be too awkward for you to be living with boyfriends now, though?"

"Nah, I'm used to it. They've been flirting even before they were aware they liked each other. I'll survive," Beomgyu shrugs before picking up his bag and zipping it close. "Well, it's getting late now so I think I should get going."

"Oh, right," Yeonjun realizes as he checks his phone too. "Yeah, it's really late now. Be careful on your way home!"

For some reason, Beomgyu doesn't feel like saying goodbye just yet. He did enjoy Yeonjun's company a whole lot tonight, despite the whole debate in his head earlier, the storm inside his chest that he's been trying to repress and him worrying over seeing Yeonjun again after so long. But the entire time was lovely. It wasn't as awkward as he thought it would be, and there's a comfortable warmth somewhere in his chest that's lingering.

It's nice.

"How about you?" Beomgyu asks. "You're still not going yet?"

"I'm actually waiting for someone," Yeonjun tells him. "My keys are also inside my wallet so I can't get inside my apartment either. I gotta wait for my roommate to come home. He says he's on his way back now thankfully."

"Ah, okay," Beomgyu gets up from where he sat. "I guess I'll go on ahead then?"

Yeonjun nods and waves him goodbye, but then calls his name again not long after when he suddenly remembers. "Oh right, how am I gonna pay you back for earlier?"

Paying back would mean a reason to see him again. A chance.

But he finds himself shaking his head out of reflex, his default response whenever anybody asks him how they should pay back. "There's no need."

"Do you not want to see me again?"

" _Huh_?" Beomgyu feels the heat rise up in his face. "No! It's not that! I just—"

Yeonjun laughs, "I was just kidding, don't worry. Anyway, I guess I'll make it up to you then the next time I see you? Does that sound okay to you?"

There's promise in those words, and hope.

"Sure," Beomgyu smiles. Yeonjun returns it even wider.

"See you soon then."

There are no longer just elephants stampeding in his stomach, but the whole Noah's Ark sailing through the flood. His heart is no longer threatening to burst out of his chest, but it's constricting— tightening on itself like it's shrinking. It's the same feeling from three years ago, but also so, _so_ different.

And for the first time, he feels like he's running in a maze that doesn't seem like it only has dead ends. There's a route, a pathway.

Beomgyu's standing in front of the convenience store when he checks his phone again as it beeps to tell him he's got another text.

**From: Taehyung hyung, 11:53pm**

_Little cub, we found you a date!_

It's an impulsive decision.

Him going back inside the store, the cashier looking at him weirdly, Yeonjun looking at him confusedly as he gets up from where he sat and asks him if he forgot something— everything he's doing now is on impulse, and he should probably think this through first but he's Choi Beomgyu and bad decisions are what he does best.

"We should really work on what we mean by 'soon'," Yeonjun jokes. "Last time it was eight minutes, this time it's two. Did you forget something?"

"Yeah," Beomgyu lets out. "Yeah, I did forget something."

Yeonjun looks at the table. "There doesn't seem to be any—"

"Can you pretend to be my boyfriend?"

Beomgyu nearly bites his tongue when he says it, but he says it, loud and clear for Yeonjun to hear. The blue-haired boy stares at him in surprise, and this is the part where he should probably start regretting for having ever said that and that he most likely will never see Yeonjun again after this because now that it's all dawning on him what he had just blurted out of the blue, he feels his heart sink along with the embarrassment.

 _Oh my god, Choi Beomgyu, you_ fucking _idiot._

But Yeonjun laughs. Not mockingly, but a genuine and wholehearted one. Beomgyu feels his cheeks go red even more.

"When I said I'd make it up to you the next time I see you, I was thinking of maybe _tomorrow_? And I'll go buy you coffee and a box of donuts perhaps? Not two minutes later and a request to fake date you," Yeonjun chuckles. "But alright."

Beomgyu thinks he suddenly got hearing problems.

"Excuse me?"

"I said I'm okay with it," Yeonjun repeats. "Though you're gonna have to explain to me what's the context, but sure, I don't mind."

Beomgyu couldn't believe his ears. _"For real?"_

Yeonjun shrugs, "It could be fun. Who are we fooling?"

"My parents."

Yeonjun starts coughing, completely taken aback. "Oh— _oh,_ I didn't think we would jump right into the meet the parents stage. I was expecting you to say you just want to get rid of an annoying ex or something," he says, clearing his throat.

"You can back out. It's okay, it's a really stupid request," Beomgyu tells him. "I just need someone to take to my brother's wedding and pretend to be my boyfriend so my mom would stop setting me up with this other guy."

"Is he ugly?" Yeonjun immediately asks.

"What? No!"

"Then why do you not want him? Is he an asshole? Do I need to beat him up?" Yeonjun continues. "I took judo classes before. I stopped right after a week though, but I can pretend to be a black belter just to scare him away. Just say the word!"

"No, no," Beomgyu holds back a laugh. "It's just… well, I met him before at this party and…" he feels the blush on his face creeping in even more.

"You made out with him and he hasn't stopped annoying you since?" Yeonjun asks. "Wait, is this the one you dumped in front of the entire Mass Communication department?"

Beomgyu's eyes grow wide. "You _know_ about that too? Does _everybody_ know?"

"Kinda. It was really big talk," Yeonjun laughs. "You're quite the wild little thing, aren't you?"

He doesn't really care much about his reputation around campus, but somehow, knowing Yeonjun is aware of the things he's been doing, the people he's been seeing, leaves a foul taste in his mouth and a hint of shame and regret sitting on his stomach.

"Well, you're pretty so no wonder he keeps coming back for more."

It's the way Yeonjun says it so casually that's making him feel like the screws on his head are all slowly coming loose.

_Wait, did he just call me pretty?_

"So you're looking for a fake boyfriend to introduce to your parents during your brother’s wedding so they won’t have to set you up with this other guy, and you want _me_ to be that fake boyfriend, correct?” Yeonjun summarizes, and Beomgyu hesitantly nods his head. “When is the wedding?”

Beomgyu inhales a bit, “This Saturday.”

Yeonjun contemplates for a moment, one hand on his hips. “What day is it today?”

“Wednesday,” Beomgyu checks his phone to make sure but sees it just turned midnight. “Uh, well, technically, Thursday now, but yes.”

There’s a playful smirk sitting on Yeonjun’s lips. “You’re in quite a pickle right now, aren’t you?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Beomgyu admits honestly, letting out a deep breath. “Feeling kinda desperate now actually.”

“But what’s in it for me?” Yeonjun asks, head slightly tilted to the side as he looks at Beomgyu amusedly. “This is too much of a payment for just a cup of ramen, two triangle kimbap and a can of cola, don’t you think so?”

Beomgyu did _not_ think this through. Of course, nobody is gonna agree to this without wanting anything in return, even Yeonjun.

“Uh, I...”

Yeonjun laughs before letting out his palm. “Give me your phone.”

Beomgyu blinks at him in surprise, “My phone is too much of a payment for a fake boyfriend too.”

“Not that,” Yeonjun chuckles as he takes the mobile from his hands, the sudden touch feeling a bit electrifying. Beomgyu watches as the blue-haired boy types something before returning it to him with a small smile.

**Contact name: New Boyfriend**

**Phone number: 0XX-XXX-XXXX**

Beomgyu’s face feels like it’s on fire, a ball of fire that might just outburn the sun.

“W-what—”

“I’m your new _pretend_ boyfriend, and you should at least have your new pretend boyfriend’s number,” Yeonjun shrugs. “My name is Choi Yeonjun, born on September 13th. I’m a Virgo, I love the color purple, and my favorite food are pho and ramen. I guess we should break down the basics first before I go meet the folks, don’t you think so?”

“You’re really _agreeing_?” Beomgyu stares at him in disbelief.

“Do you not want me to?” Yeonjun chuckles to himself. “Like I said, it sounds fun. I could use a little excitement for now. My life’s been kinda bland lately.”

Beomgyu remembers his conversation with his older brother earlier.

_Who knows? Somebody could be bored enough to actually agree._

There really is somebody bored enough.

“So Saturday?”

“Yeah, Saturday,” Beomgyu repeats, still processing that Yeonjun actually did agree to this stupid setup and he was _actually_ gonna bring him to his older brother’s wedding to meet his parents.

_Fuck._

“Thankfully, I finished everything I needed to do so my weekend happens to be quite free,” Yeonjun tells him, looking awfully amused with this entire situation. “It seems like today is your lucky day, pretty.”

 _“Pretty?”_ Beomgyu chokes on air.

“I have a thing with petnames. That’s one more fact you should learn about me,” Yeonjun winks at him, although it’s not a wink but more like a blink, but the playful smile on his face remains. “And you just happened to be quite pretty, _pretty_.”

It’s not like Beomgyu has never been called pretty his whole life. He’s heard that word thrown at him over a million times already, but the way it rolls off Yeonjun’s tongue so smoothly and with so much ease leaves a feeling in his chest similar to losing air when you’re two seconds away from drowning underwater.

Beomgyu’s heart skips a beat, and another two, and another three.

He’s doomed. He is _absolutely_ doomed.

The thing with acting on impulse is that there’s only about a ten percent chance he would not regret his decision in doing so, but Beomgyu shoots straight down onto the other ninety percent, the regret slowly creeping into his system.

He knows, from the way his heart is racing right now and the way Yeonjun’s eyes light up a little as he’s smiling at him like this, that he had set himself up with this stupid plan of his.

 _It’s okay_ , Beomgyu tries to convince himself regardless. _It’ll be okay. It’s just this weekend, anyway._

“Anyway,” Yeonjun breathes out, both hands on his jeans’ pockets. “I don’t wanna hold you back here much longer since it’s getting late, so do you wanna meet up for lunch?”

“What?” Beomgyu knows he’s looking absolutely ridiculous right now, only replying to him with one-word answers, considering _he’s_ the one who asked Yeonjun to do this yet the blue-haired boy seems to be the one with more plans than him instead.

And he doesn’t understand either why Yeonjun is so calm with this, how easy it was for him to agree.

“You know, to talk about this whole thing properly,” Yeonjun says, like it’s obvious. “And what we need to do, stuff like that?”

“Ah, right... Right, sure. Lunch sounds fine,” Beomgyu tells him. “When is your lunch break?”

“Eleven, yours?”

“Twelve, and I need to get back before 1:30.”

“Okay, so we’re meeting at 12 noon then,” Yeonjun concludes with a small smile. “There’s a dimsum place just right outside of campus. We can go meet there tomorrow then..? Wait, it’s already Thursday; I meant later. Let’s meet up later.”

Beomgyu nods, and Yeonjun’s smile grows wider.

This is the part where he _should_ probably say he’ll be on his way now, tell him goodbye and good night, and that he’ll just see him later. He should go say it now, but Yeonjun types something on his phone and picks up his duffel bag before turning to Beomgyu again with a hopeful look.

“Let me walk you home.”

If he was still in his senior year in his high school, Beomgyu would be over the moon right now. The schoolmate he had been crushing over asking if he could walk him home, the way it’s like in manhwas and Korean dramas—his heart would have soared right through the roof.

But his reality is three years later, and right now, his heart remains in place—tightening in his chest like he’s not allowed to breathe.

“There’s no need to,” Beomgyu assures him. “Also, weren’t you waiting for your roommate?”

“I told him to just go straight to the apartment,” Yeonjun answers like it’s no big deal. “And it’s fine. Think of this as practice for you to get used to being around me more. I feel like you’re still not quite comfortable with me yet.”

“I’m not uncomfortable with you!” Beomgyu immediately denies.

“Okay, maybe uncomfortable isn’t the right word,” Yeonjun chuckles. “Awkward, maybe? I just don’t want you to look so tensed around me. It’s not like I’m gonna hurt you.”

“Right,” Beomgyu blushes. “Okay.”

The lake reflecting the starry night sky. The streets illuminated by lightposts around a little before six in the evening. Beomgyu thinks he’s just seeing things, because they disappear as soon as they’re in Yeonjun’s brown fox-like eyes.

“Well, pretty,” Yeonjun motions towards the door. “Lead the way?”

**☾☾☾**

The convenience store isn’t that far from Beomgyu’s place, roughly around a seven-minute walk.

That’s why the awkward silence on the way stretches long enough for them to already reach his apartment building without saying a word. The midnight air bites a bit more than earlier, and there are barely any lights left that are on.

“Well, this is my stop,” Beomgyu breathes out. “Thanks for walking me home. You really didn’t have to.”

“I would still say it’s so you’ll get use to my company, but we didn’t even talk all the way here,” Yeonjun laughs, not as boisterous like back in the convenience store but a bit more mellow this time, a little shyer. His hands are still in the pockets of his jeans when he stands a bit straighter. “So let’s just say it’s because I simply wanted to. I like your company.”

Beomgyu’s not sure if it’s still the midnight air that’s biting him, or if that feeling is nibbling him inside instead, but he lets it be, lets it stay for a little while longer.

“Why did you agree?” Beomgyu finds himself asking. “This whole fake dating thing, why did you agree so easily?”

He knows Yeonjun had already told him repeatedly earlier, but for some reason, he feels like there’s something missing, and with the way Yeonjun is staring at him right now, Beomgyu finds himself hoping there’s more to the reason than he lets himself show.

“I told you already,” Yeonjun shrugs. “I’m bored and got nothing to do.”

Beomgyu waits. He waits for a ‘but’, an ‘also because’, or any continuation to Yeonjun’s words, but the blue-haired boy ends it there and smiles at him, soft and warm—the only source of warmth in this cold spring evening.

“I only have one condition though,” Yeonjun says, stepping a little closer and leaning in a bit more so he can meet Beomgyu eye to eye. He tousles the younger’s blond hair softly.

“I don’t do well with attachments, so let’s not fall in love for real, okay?”

+

The apartment is quiet, and all the lights have been switched off when Beomgyu steps inside.

When he walks past the living room, he sees his two bestfriends huddled together under one blanket on the couch, fast asleep, with Taehyun’s head resting on Kai’s shoulder, a bowl of discarded potato chips on the coffee table and Taehyun’s laptop blinking as it runs out of battery.

_Well, at least, the night turned out well for them._

Beomgyu takes a deep breath when he enters his room and slides down to sit on the tiled floor, the back of his head resting against the cold wooden door.

It’s slowly dawning on him what had just happened tonight, and the words exchanged and the deal they have sealed. It dawns on him, slowly but it does and it’s gnawing, like every feeling he’s ever had towards Yeonjun.

Yeonjun is gonna meet his parents this weekend. At his brother’s wedding. He is gonna introduce Yeonjun to his parents as his _boyfriend._

_Let’s not fall in love for real, okay?_

Well, fuck.

Beomgyu could say he had never thought he would ever be in such a scenario, to come up to his parents one day and tell them he’s dating his first love, but then he would be lying because he had. At some point in his life, he had thought of saying those words to them before.

Some time during the spring of his senior year in high school, Beomgyu had thought, _dreamt_ , of being able to say this but never would he have thought he’d be saying it to them three years later as a lie.

He takes out his phone and types a reply to his older brother.

**To: Taehyung hyung, 1:01am**

_Hyung, it’s okay. I already found someone._

A small remnant of his 18-year old self that he keeps in a small pocket close to his heart wishes it was real instead.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was quite the work,, and EXTREMELY lengthy and wordy so i hope it's okay regardless T____T i appreciate any form of feedback! thank you so much for reading!
> 
> i'll try to update this frequently, 2-3 days the earliest! anyway, find me on twt: @antibeomjun


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